Disconnected, and in Search

They lead me towards the door hastily. A kind of putrid light came through the cracks around the metal bolted door. Some sand blew in from outside and gave voice to my steps as I neared the door. One of the two armed guards that were escorting me out stepped forward and unlached the door. Light flooded my vision and I deemed my eyes traitors for making me miss my first sight of freedom.

The sound of the crowds of people bounce down the walls of the alley, and they humm as if they were alive. They always hummed. There was hardly ever silence. Few people even know what true silence is anymore. The humming saturated silence, so it became silence. People are as much fools as their senses, because they believe they are the world they inhabit. The two suns exactly above eachother, draws me out towards the city.

The city seems the most impressive balance between civilization and nature. Viners with thick deep green leaves run up the antennas and the sides of the buildings, yet the buildings and the steel never rust. Rivers flow through the bottom of the buildings and through undergrown tunnels. The buildings seem organic, in their shape and in their function. Buildings curve in and around trees. There are some completely intertwined and use the giant trees as support. The building nutures the trees, and the trees support our structure.

I have learned to feel the trees through calm. The humming inhibits silence to hear them.

The omega building glints against the sun, so it is drawn to me. I call my feet to the omega, to fall upon the sphere, and hold true to foundation. Half mountains evoke empathy in soldiers. I come to life near omega where most people dread red. The soldiers never draw arms in public. Nobody knew they were soldiers, let alone villages of the weak.

I approached the doors and let fly hallucinations on the organic doorway.

The lights are slowly coming into being, saving me from sleep. Slowly I see the reflection of my face, bruised and scraped. I come to the realization that I am in a cage. A transperant cage holds my body and nurtures it, heals it, shows me my face.

The men around me in their white suits and masks notice my apperent conscienceness and I just want to get out of here. I know they made this just for me, but I just want to leave them. I despite the luxury at times. I hate being better than normal. I hold my positions proudly, yet I wish for their doom all so that finally, one day I might feel something.

This most recent attempt was the closest I have ever gotten. I will proceed to follow.

These bars shake, but hold. This burning takes over so that i can truly concentrate on my separation.

Everything is black and feel the stale air fill me lungs. I have been asleep for not too long I think. The blood has not clotted and the pain is still fresh. It has been so long since I have thought anything meaningful, and I'm still trying to grasp how the world has started spinning in the opposite direction. I learn that it isn't about anyone else but me. All that matters is the way I see things.

It is only a few things at first. Slowly a new sense arises. I am not tied down to the world we live in. I can know more than my eyes can see or my hands can touch. I have finally broken through the barrier. With the exception of a certain few, the people around me slowly melt into the backdrop. My wish to belong is fufilled as I shed the worries. I will belong to them and they will belong to me.

Blacks turn to browns, then to deep reds. The reds lighten and flourish into roses of colors. Pink becomes lighter too and white takes over.

"Something important you should know, sir. All essences are contained in 5. The road that leads to elevation can only be reached from the single starting point. The path to the origin is self-containing. "

http://blog.wired.com/defense/2007/09/do-you-write-li.html

To be honest this kind of creeps me out.

 We must all be aware of the power we contain. Only then will we begin to truly create change.

And today what am I but a product of the man before me?
I scower shallow pits for inspiration only to find myself searching in shallow pits.

I want to know why we can't ever know who we are. The instant we ask ourselves, the instant it becomes impossible to know. We cannot know who you are. We can merely define who we are. We are like a biology book attempting to define life by the attributes it posses. But that book can't say what life is just the same way that we cannot know who we are.

There is a reason to this. We cannot know ourselves because we do not exist at all except in other people. We cannot know ourselves,  because we must know ourselves through other people to be known at all. We know each other better than we know ourselves because we create each other. We exist only through and for each other.

Some other people seem real to us. Others do not. Try to feel yourself now. Not to feel your body or what your senses are picking up, but yourself. You will see that you cannot exist in time. You are above it. Try to feel yourself in the past and in the future. Do not just imagine yourself at a different time. This is not a thought experiment. Do it right now. Transport your state of observation to your past self. Do not concentrate on traveling, but merely being there at that time. You will soon see that we are less real than you thought we were.

You are only reading this because I wrote it. You are only reading this because you came here to see it. You are only alive because you were meant to read this. You are alive only because you allow me to exist.

I will meet you later.